Playful Parenting; Thoughts on Chapter 9

Follow Your Child’s Lead

In chapter 9 of Playful Parenting, Lawrence Cohen writes, “playful parenting is a delicate balance between following a child’s lead and stepping in as a guide. (p.151)” We let our children lead to develop their creativity and confidence and this chapter gives a lot of great advice about how to let them lead. The next chapter discusses when it is necessary for the adult to lead.

A chart on page 153 summarizes the how-to of following a child’s lead and the author goes into detail about each of the following suggestions.

• Just say yes
• Do whatever they want to do
• Be safe (but don’t worry too much)
• Set aside PlayTime
• Take time to recover

I’ve said this many times but it is truly worth your time to read through each of these points. I’ve highlighted many great suggestions and interesting points in this chapter of my book.

Just say yes

One of Cohen’s suggestions is to once in a while try to say yes to your child’s request to play with great enthusiasm. This had me thinking about how many times that I say, “Okay, in a few minutes…”  or “okay” with a tone that really says, “if i have to.” Since I’ve read this chapter, I’ve been making an effort to act like I’m really excited and I noticed how happy my sons looked. It was also interesting how even though I was acting at first that I began to feel like I really was excited, happy and energized.

Do Whatever They Want to do

I thought this was a powerful point.

Imagine you had some scary or confusing or overwhelming things happen to you, and you weren’t allowed to talk about them. Now imagine that you weren’t even allowed to think about them. That’s what it’s like not to let a child play the way they want to play. Play is their way of talking and thinking (p.159).

Doesn’t that quote make you think about your child’s play in a totally different light? I know I’m going to think twice before I say, “no” or “not right now.”

Be Safe (But don’t Worry too Much)

This is pretty much common sense but Cohen made a very interesting  point when he wrote, “We may feel as though we are concerned about their safety when we say no, but we may just be protecting ourselves from discomfort, embarrassment, and uncertainty (p.160).” I’m having a hard time thinking about situations in which this was true for me. I’m sure they’ve happened but I probably wasn’t conscience of it. I’ll be on the look out now. Can you think of times when this may have applied to you?

Set Aside Playtime

Cohen suggests setting aside regular one-on-one time with the child and calling it a specific name like “playtime”. A few months back, I wrote a post called “Inspire Mama in Survival Mode”. I was starting to have some problems with Kai’s behavior. He was acting out and there didn’t seem to be any specific reason for the behaviors.  Heidi of the blog Wonder Woman Wannabe (don’t you love that name?) left me comment and I followed her link to a great post she wrote about “Special Time”. So during Isaiah’s naps, I told Kai we were going to have some “special time”, during which he had my undivided attention and he could choose whatever he wanted us to do together. His behavior immediately turned around back to the sweet, (mostly) well-behaved child that I knew.

Take Time to Recover

 Cohen reveals the truth about playtime. Does it surprise you to find out that it’s a lot harder than it sounds? It takes energy to stay enthused, focused, and connected; not to mention, all of our own needs that are put on the back burner, fatigue, chores that need to be done, feelings of boredom or embarassment. Lawrence writes, “the best way to recover from an emotionally draining PlayTime is to talk to other parents about it, especially other parents who are trying out the same thing (p.166).” That makes sense to me because I always feel better after talking with another parent about any parenting difficulty/problem/issue that I may be experiencing.

If you’re just tuning into my Playful Parenting chapter reviews, then you can catch up by following these links.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7 & Chapter 8

I’ve been writing about Playful Parenting along with Daniel Kraft, a fellow blogger from Sweden. He always has something insightful to add and the cultural similarities and differences are very interesting. Here is the link to his post on Chapter 9.