Seeing the Opportunity-Dealing with Rude & Ignorant Strangers

I was hesitant to publish my last post Dealing with Rude and Ignorant Strangers because it was based on something that aggravates me and I make a concerted effort to keep the Inspire Mama blog positive.

After reading all of the thoughtful comments left on that post, I had some epiphanies. The comments have helped me so much and my hope is that they will help others.

I agree wholeheartedly with Laura, who wrote, “It is a very human trait to be curious. Don’t always assume it comes from a negative place. Sometimes it will. But learn to look around those people.”

I think these rude questions mostly come from curiosity and maybe ignorance. But it has been clearly obvious when it is curiosity and when someone is coming from a place of anger and pain and I’ve learned to steer clear from them. I count myself fortunate that we haven’t had to deal with that in front of Kai and Isaiah.

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.” Dalai Lama

Meredith wrote, “take it as an opportunity to educate” I realized that I need to start seeing these strangers, who ask rude questions, as my spiritual teachers and see the experience as an opportunity to teach my children and perhaps the stranger. Not that I would come out and say, “thank you for being rude.” But that is the mindset that I’m going to have.

How can a rude and ignorant stranger be a spiritual teacher?

The way I’m trying to look at this is that they are teaching me something about myself and like Jill wrote they are giving me the, “perfect opportunity to practice self control.”

From these encounters, I’ve realized that I often put other’s feelings ahead of my own. I usually try to make the stranger feel okay, even though I’m usually upset by their questions. Meredith wrote, “It’s always nice to see someone squirm.” Thinking about her comment I became conscious that I’m always the one to step in and save the “squirmer” because I can’t stand awkward silences.

Educating the rude stranger.

Amanda, of the blog Bloom and Glow, wrote, “I think that it is appropriate to let strangers know that it is rude in a way that is respectful and peaceful, in the same way that one would tell a child if they did something that was rude. Clearly they are in need of educating.”  

I agree with her statement and I’m going to have to put some thought into how I could actually do this. It sounds strange but I think I need to give myself some scripts to memorize so that in the moment I can just react in a peaceful, respectful way while educating the stranger.

Just walk away & focus on my children.

Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? By Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a wonderful book written as a guide for parents raising multiracial children. It is full of great advice, research and stories from many multiracial families. I re-read the section on reacting to strangers and one piece of advice that I liked was to simply walk away. When I think about it, they are being rude so why should I worry about being rude by walking away.

Heather, of the blog Shivaya Naturals, wrote, “all that I can do is teach him that he is ok, that there is nothing “wrong” with him. I try and remind him all the time that we all have a challenge to face, and for him right now, it is going to be staying true to who he is, and not allowing others to define his worth…” When it comes down to it, this is what matters.

 

Thank you for all your wise comments.